A Tiny Little Box
by ArtemisFowlTheThird
Summary: WARNING: ZADR. No read if no like!Zim gives Dib a little present....my first ZADR fanfic, so Zim and Dib maaay seem outofcharacter.... tell me what you think!
1. Zim's Present

DIB'S POV

_Lunchtime_

I watched him with narrowed eyes. His green, green skin stretched taut as he gesticulated and shouted out his superiority to humans, some who were nearby and who did not, will not, and c_ould_ not notice him or care at all about what his stupid words that practically shouted, _"Hey! I'm an alien and I am here to annihilate you all!"_ _How could they be so stupid? _I wondered. _How? How? How…?_

I sighed, my eyes returned to their normal size, and I looked down and poked at the questionable cafeteria food. "When are they going to get edible food?" I muttered.

Gaz, who was sitting near me, said nothing, eyes trained on her Gameslave 2.

"Feh!" I stabbed the mushy brown mess in front of me violently, and suddenly, a shadow fell over me. I looked up, confused, then incensed to see Zim, of all people (aliens?)

"What do you _want, _Zim? I'm irritated enough as it is."

"Eh? No, I do not _want_ anything, I am too superior to _want _anything from you _lowly human worm_-pigs!!! The great _ZIM _would not _want _anything from you _lowly human worm-pigs!!"_

"Uh…you just said the same thing twice, Zim." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"YOU LIE!! The Zim does not…uh…"

"Never mind," I said irritably. "What do you w- why are you here?"

To my surprise and suspicion, Zim handed me a small box, wrapped in plain brown paper. He said, in an obviously fake sweet voice, "I am sorry for all the things I have done to you, Dib-beast. May you accept this box as a token of my SORRYNESS??"

I stared suspiciously at the poorly wrapped package in his black-gloved hand. "No, thanks…"

"Take it!" Zim insisted, and he made as if to throw the box at me. However, I quickly pushed him aside and ran.

I ran as if my life depended on it.

Considering Zim, it probably did.

_Dismissal_

I walked as fast as I could to get myself away from that mad, mad skool and the green-skinned alien who was currently exiting its doors.

For some reason, I was not in the mood to stalk Zim.

"DIB-STINK!" Argh.

_Pretend not to hear him pretend not to hear him…_

"DIB…STINK…" I heard Zim's pattering footsteps trail nearer and nearer…till I knew he was beside me.

"Dib-worm, take Zim's present of SORRYNESS!!! I, the great ZIM (!) assure you, you will _LURVE _it!!!" The present was thrust into my hands, and—before I could say anything—Zim disappeared away, his wig slightly askew as he ran.

I stared at the innocent-looking grubby cube of what-could-be unimaginable DOOM. What could be in it?

Curiosity got the better of me, and I tore the package open, imagining Zim's evil cackle as the object in the box was revealed.

In the box was a…


	2. The Sad Empty Box

Wow, I forgot to put the disclaimer on the previous chapter!! Well, you already know what it'll say. The glorious Zim and Dib and the other characters all belong to Jhohen Vasquez….sigh I wish Zim was mine… (not in _that _way! )

This chapter ain't my best work…I think it's terrible, personally…it starts off as a scene from two days ago from when Chapter 1 took place…okay, that was confusing! Ack…just read it. And if you find it stupid, blame me. I didn't get too much sleep when I wrote this. It is the product of my own stupid imagination.

--

Zim's POV

Two Days Ago

Gir was lying on the floor scratching himself with a thorn of tiny little clusters of roses.

"GIR!" His "masta" had arrived home, looking very much ecstatic. "GIR! I, the AMAAAA-ZING ZIM, have come up with a PERFECT plan to get RID of the LARGE-headed DIB, and that would therefore ALLOW me to TAKE OVER this STINKING BALL OF DIRT!!!"

"Aawww…I'ma go get a taco!!" Gir stood up, got in his dog costume, and happily skipped out of the house, leaving the roses scattered all over the floor. No doubt some poor taco seller is going to have nightmares of a freakishly annoying green-skinned dog later that night!!

Zim sighed, exasperated. Well, he better get to work on his AMAZING plan.

_Two hours later_

Down in Zim's lab, the green Irken was busy working on his AMAAAZING PLAN of DOOM. It involved finishing his DIABOLICAL invention of DOOM (!!), a clever little contraption cleverly disguised as a stupid Earth pig that shot lasers at a specified target, which, of course, in this case, would be Dib's large head. And so, from here, you could guess Zim's "perfect" plan to get rid of the raven-haired huge-headed boy named Dib.

Zim laughed evilly. Sometimes he amazed even himself.

"And now, the finishing touches…" A few twists and spins of his hands, and soon, Zim's laser-shooting pig-disguised device was enclosed in a small box.

"Yes…yes…YEE-EESS!!! It—is—magnificent!!" Zim began to cackle evilly. "The Dib-thing will NEVER suspect a thing!! I should show Gir…" And off he went, carrying the little box like a trophy.

When he arrived in the living room still strewn with roses, Gir was still out, for some reason (It's been TWO HOURS!!). Zim "made little sicky noises" at the flowery mess, and placed his box of DOOM on the couch. He activated the speaker-thingy that he used when he needed help from Gir. "Gir! When you get home, make sure you clean up these FILTHY EARTH PLANTS!! Understand??" There was a compliant reply from Gir, meaning he was in red-eyed mode. Zim closed the link and went back down in his lab to work on some other AMAZING plan of his.

_Gir's POV (Well, not really…)_

After traumatizing an innocent taco vendor for TWO WHOLE HOURS, Gir skipped happily home, where he received Zim's message. Gir, going into red-eyed mode, complied, and, that done went back into cyan- eyed mode, in which he skipped happily on home.

Gir reached the weirdly glowing green house and walked in trudging on red roses. He saw the box for Dib that Zim had so foolishly left behind on the couch and squealed, "A present!!!"

He opened the box (Zim had not wrapped it yet) and squealed some more. "A piggy!!!!" He started giggling and giggling and giggling. "I'm gonna name you Bob!!" And, holding the poor piggy up high, Gir exclaimed, "Let's play with the purty flow-ahs!!"

They played with the "purty flow-ahs" all right, but then, Gir noticed the empty box from whence the piggy had came. "Aww…the box looks sad. Let's make it happy!" This led to Gir stuffing the roses in the rather small box.

Satisfied, Gir went off _somewhere _to play with "Bob."


	3. Roses

Okay…for some reason, I forgot that Dib's POV was written in first person…and so, Zim's POV is written in third person limited…ah, well. I don't know how and why I forgot…anyway, this chapter will be in Dib's first person POV…? I dunno.

--

_Dib's POV (first-person)_

_The Present (no, not the gift! I'm talking about time!! As in, it's the present and not the past anymore!)_

_In the box was a …_

Rose? Eh…?

No…rose-_es._

I blinked in confusion as tiny red roses, unfurled and ever so red, looked up at me innocently.

"E-eh?!"

_Roses?! That was Zim's "gift?" Red roses??_

Suddenly, a screen (implanted in the box, no doubt) raised itself from the box, depicting Zim's gleeful face. "Ha! That's right, Dib!! I, the glorious ZI-IIIM (!!), TRICKED YOU!! In a mere second, my AMAZING robot PIG shall shoot you GARGANTUAN HEAD with DES-TRUCT-TIVE _lasers!!!" _My thoughts jumbled in bewilderment.

_Pig? Robot? Lasers?? What the heck was he talking about?_

"What the heck are you—?"

Zim, who was looking eagerly at my face, abruptly frowned. "Why is your head not dead yet?"

"H-huh?"

"The _pig!! _Why has my GLORIOUS pig not shot your HU-UGE head _yet?!"_

"What pig?!" I showed him the harmless box of roses. "You gave me roses. How the heck is a _pig, _of all things, involved with this?"

Zim looked confused. And when he was confused, he tended to get ma-ad.

"I did _NOT _give you _FILTHY EARTH PLANTS!! I--" _As if his words reminded him of something, Zim stopped. "Gir…"

"Eh? Gir? How is he—" But Zim had already closed the screen. I stared dumbly at it.

_Gir? Pig? Lasers?? _(Yep, Dib sure is slow. Well, not really, but he coulda figured out that Zim intended to kill him with a laser-shooting pig!! )

And why did Zim give me roses?

No one had ever, and I repeat, EVER, given me anything "special", like that. As in, I've never received gifts of the "romantic" sort.

And my first one just _had _to be from Zim.

I hate him…but, do I, really?

_Ye gads! I bet this is one of Zim's plan to MESS UP MY BRAIN!!_

But…

_No, don't give in to it, Dib!! You're Earth's only hope!! _

I…

_It's Zim's plan, I tell you! I mean, really! What else could it be?_

Roses…

_There are pigs, lasers, and GIR involved in it!! It has got to be one of Zim's plans!! He's trying to confuse you!_

There was a thud as the box of roses fell from my hands, and I ran home.


	4. Zim's Confuzzling Plan

Yay!! The fourth chapter! I made it! I actually made it!

**Read first: **So…um…um…well…this chapter shall be written in the point-of-view of…drumroll…the GLORIOUS ZIM!!! And I shall write it, once more, in third-person limited view. I don't know why…but anyways, from this day forth Zim's POV shall be in third-person-limited, while Dib's POV will be in first person.This is because Zim wouldn't let me in his MIND!!! And Dib's head is so big that I found room to fit in.

Disclaimer: Bla, bla, bla…Zim and all the other characters belong to Jhohen Vasquez…except BOB, the PIGGY!! That one's MINE!! XD

--

_Zim's POV_

Zim stalked his way up into the living room, where Gir was currently watching his favorite, favorite, _favorite _TVshow…the one about the scary monkey (Yes, I believe it's called _The Scary Monkey Show…_but I'm not sure…). "Gir!"

Gir did not say anything, as his eyes were trained on the human-information box.

"Gir!"

No response.

Zim sighed. He marched in front of the television, blocking the screen. Gir immediately squealed, "_Hey! _I can't see the monkey! THE MONKEY'S GONE!!"

"Now, listen, _Gir," _Zim began, snapping his fingers, "did _you_, by any chance, _find _a box in here somewhere the past few days?"

Gir cocked his head to one side. "_No…_I mean yes! I mean _no…_no, yes!"

"No, yes, _what?"_

Gir, beginning to get distressed and _sooo _confused, put both hands to his head. "_I don't know…!!! _DON'T MAKE ME THINK!!"

Zim, resisting the urge to knock his metal SIR unit's head off, opted to show his frustration and irritation with an _exasperated _sigh instead. He decided to rephrase his question. "_Gir… _did you find a _pig _these past few days?"

Now, the robot's eyes lighted up with delight. "_Yep! _I named him Bob! Wanna see him?" Without waiting for an answer, Gir reached up and opened the top of his head. Lo and behold, there was poor "Bob", stuffed in with some popcorn and a taco.

Zim's eyes narrowed. "Give "Bob" to me, Gir. He was _supposed_ to be a PRESENT to the _Dib-creature!!!"_

"A present? I _love _presents!" squealed Gir happily. Zim then made the mistake of moving a bit too far from the TV.

"_Ooh!_ The monkey's back!" And Gir returned to the mindless, unresponsive state that Earth television and the scary monkey usually put him in.

Zim was about to yell at his SIR unit for the Bob-pig, when, for some reason, he suddenly remembered the Dib's confusion about the whole present-thing.

_I may be able to use the Dib-stink's bewilderment against him, _Zim thought. He flashed a smile of _PURE_ evil, and marched his way out of the room and into the lab, where he mused aloud, "With the Dib confused, he will not be…er…_not_-confused enough to SAVE EARTH!! So all I, ZIM, have to do is to CONFUZZLE him _more!!!!"_

_Yes…_it was an ingenious plan.

--

_Confuzzle? _Yeah…I just felt the need to make up some word. So…yah. Sorry if this chapter's short. Well…it is short, but I couldn't think…!


	5. The Park

Um um um….o-kay…this chappie will be written in Dib's AMAZING first-person POV! YAH!!! Okay, I'll be quiet now. Ooh…and there _maaay _be some fluff in this chapter! U could look at it that way. Zim may also be OOC, but it's just becuz of his amazing CONFUZZLING plan, remember? So don't bombard me with reviews saying, "OMG, ZIM IS SO OUT-OF-CHARACTER IN THIS CHAPTER, HE ACTED SO…FLUFF-EH!"

--

_Dib's POV_

"Gaz!" I looked over at my purple-haired sister, who was playing her Gameslave 2 beside me on the couch. I knew that it wasn't a good idea to bother her while she was playing…a lesson I learn too often. (Those lessons usually ended up with me injured in some way or missing a body part.)

"Gaz…?"

She looked up at me, eyes narrowed in a can't-you-see-I'm-busy-so-go-away-before-I-turn-you-inside-out-and-feed-your-insides-to-a-dog kind of way. "_What?" _she growled.

"Gaz? Have you ever…had someone like you?" I immediately winced at the look on her face. _Please_, I prayed, _let it be quick…_

"What kind of question is _that? _What, did some _freak _propose to you or something?"

I thought of the roses… "Ah, what? _No! _I…"

Gaz's hands tightened visibly on her Gameslave 2. "Now, _Dib, _if you don't leave me alone, I will _personally _make sure you will be _confined _to a hospital room for the next _three years!!!" _I cringed, having absolutely no doubt she could do it. Deciding it was better for my body to leave the room than to almost die again, I slid off the couch and went over to the front door. Pausing, my hand over the doorknob, I said, somewhat unsure, "I'm…going to take a walk, okay…?"

There was no reply from Gaz, save for a low inhuman growl sounding deep from her throat that plainly said, _"I don't care. Just leave."_

--

_The Park, thirty minutes later_

"Ah…" It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, and the cloudless sky was a perfect shade of blue. I lay down on the grass and stared up at it. It was all what I need to get my thoughts sorted out about…

_"…ooh, look at the squirrel!!!! It's flyin'!!!! Look at the FLYIN' SQUIRREL, MASTA'!!!"_

…eh? That voice…

GIR?

I sat up and turned around, where the voice had seemed to come from. "H-huh?"

"HI, MR. SQUIRREL-MAN!!!!"

I turned back around and screamed in surprise as Gir, in his bad green dog costume, appeared out of nowhere right in front of my face. "What…what…?!"

"MASTA'S LOOKING FOR YOU!!"

"What?! Wait…this isn't one of Zim's plans, now, is it?" I sprung up and narrowed my eyes at the blankly staring dog, which suddenly cheered and clapped its hands. Not paying attention to what I said, Gir happily pointed behind me, exclaiming, "Masta's coming over here right now! HIIII, MASTER!!!"

I turned around and saw Zim, ever so poorly disguised in his contacts and wig. _Why, I could just pull of those contacts and kick off his wig…then everyone could see what he REALLY is! _I tensed myself up for another inevitable, unavoidable, sure-to-happen fight.

But it didn't happen.

Instead, for some strange, odd reason, Zim gave me a VEEERY weird smile and greeted me in an obviously fake cheery voice, "Hello, Dib-wo—I mean, Dib! It certainly is pleasant to meet you here, in this lovely day! Is the weather not beautiful? It makes me just want to HUG somebody!" _That was more of something Gir would say…_

Then, to my surprise, Zim jumped onto me and latched his arms around my neck, much as a little kid would. He rubbed his face against my cheek, and I instinctively blushed.

"Z-ZIM?! G-get off me!" The pink tinge on my face was gradually deepening. Zim, however, did _not _get off, and he obviously didn't plan to, as I felt his arms tighten around my neck. I couldn't breathe.

_"Ch-choking…Z-zim…"_

All of a sudden, it was all over. Air rushed down my lungs, and I stared, shocked, at Zim, who had now detached himself and was picking up Gir's leash. Zim smiled, saluted me with a happy "Well, see you at skool tomorrow!" and walked off, whistling, dragging Gir behind me.

I breathed heavily, massaging my massacred throat. "_That…_was weird."

Maybe it would have been better if I had stayed home with Gaz.

--

Ta-da! Another chapter done!! And remember: Zim's weird actions are all PART OF THE PLAN!!!! O-kah? And it _wuz _sorta fluffy…and to those fluff-haters, I'm sorry…but blame Zim's CONFUZZLING PLAN!!!! And besides, Dib didn't like being part of the fluff…_or did he? _Lol XD


	6. I'm Coming

Whee! This chapter has two parts…the first is written in Zim's not-first-person-but-third-person-limited POV, while the second part is in Dib's first-person POV.

--

_Zim's POV_

_Walking home from the park_

_"Blech! _Hugging that _inferior _Dib-worm _sickens _me so…but it is ALL part of my MAGNIFICENT plan, Gir!" Zim smirked evilly as he marched up to the front door of his weirdly glowing green house with Gir's leash clutched tightly in one black-gloved hand. "Soon, the Earth shall be MINE for the taking, and the DIB-BEAST shall be too _CONFUZZLED _to do ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! _Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…!"_

Zim's trademark _evil _laugh was cut short as his fellow Earth neighbors looked out of their windows and doors to stare at him. Zim looked down, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, opened the door, was greeted by his Robo-parents ("Welcome home, son!"), and went inside, shutting the door after Gir.

Gir squealed happily and ran to turn on the television. Soon the image of that SCARY monkey was fixed on the television screen. Zim scowled darkly and shouted out, "Gir! I shall be down in the lab. Do not, and I repeat, do _not_, let anyone in!"

"Okee-dokee!"

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Zim went in the kitchen and flushed himself down the toilet. He needed to work on some _very _important experiments, one involving a coop of chickens and another involving a headless penguin fused with a squid. Zim crossed his arms. _So much to do… _

And yet…for some vexing reason, the image of Dib's blushing face kept popping up in the Irken's mind. _The Dib-worm looked adorable…_thought the green-skinned alien vaguely, then slapped a hand to his head in horror.

_Gah! Did I just think that? Eh? Eeeeehhh?! The Dib-stink must have put some sort of…mind-control device or something on me! He is trickier than I thought! Must…analyze…_

Zim stepped out of the elevator-thingy and into his lab. He marched over to a circular plate on the floor and barked out, "Computer! Analyze my body and check for foreign technological devices on or in me somewhere!" There was a beeping sound, and a bluish line of light swept itself through the Irken's tiny body.

"No foreign devices detected on body," the computer droned.

"_What?_ Nothing? Are you sure?"

"Positive, Zim," replied the computer in a bored tone. "There is nothing." A note of interest crept into its voice. "Does this have something to do with that big-headed kid?"

Zim narrowed his eyes and replied quickly, irritated yet somewhat flustered, "_No! _This has nothing to do with Dib!"

"Dib…? Oh, so that's his name…"

The Irken snapped, "I don't pay you to talk idly, Computer! The great ZIM does not need distractions as he needs to work on some _very _important experiments!!"

Ignoring his computer's muttered reply ("You don't pay me at all…"), Zim went to work on his experiments…

--

_Dib's POV (first person)_

_Still in the park_

The sensation of Zim rubbing his face against my cheek in an _almost _affectionate manner was still fresh, which explained my still-pinkish face. I wiped my cheek as if trying to wipe away my blush, the sensation, and the memory.

The weird, disturbing memory.

_Ugh…_I tried to think logically. _Surely this was all a part of Zim's plan…? Though I couldn't see how Zim hugging me fit into world domination…_

I walked slowly, pondering, to my house. I opened the door.

Gaz, still on the couch with her beloved Gameslave 2, paid no attention to me until I was foolish enough to say, "Gaz! It was really weird at the park! Zim came, and _hugged _me! I don't know what the heck he was thinking, and— " I stopped suddenly as I felt myself pinned to the wall by the neck and a fist mere inches from my face. My sister glared at me and said, "Because of your annoying voice coming in here all of a sudden, I lost the final level of my _game_, Dib! When are you going to learn to _keep your stupid loud voice all to yourself?" _

_Agh! _"But, Gaz…Zim! He did something! It was weird, and…" I flinched as Gaz's fist tightened.

"I am _sick _of hearing about your _sick _obsession with that boyfriend of yours! There is something _wrong _with you, I swear, Dib!"

"He's not my boyfriend! It all started with the box! It was the box! It made me confused, and…" _Wait a second… _"Confused! That's it! Zim's trying to make me confused! That way, I'll be too distracted to notice him taking over Earth!"

Gaz's eyes narrowed, if that were even possible, and she snarled, "I don't care about that freak boyfriend of yours! You made me lose the final level of my game, Dib, and you're going to pay!"

"Ack! Gaz, I can't afford to be injured now! I need to go to Zim's house and confront him about his plan!" I tore myself free from Gaz's grip and ran to the door. "Just…beat me up later!" And I ran. _I'm coming, Zim!_

--

Wow…that last sentence sounded like he was going to rescue Zim or sumthing. I don't know… pokes at dead squirrel


	7. Irkens Could Blush?

I can't believe I ever made it this far…yay me!!!! (Pardon my use of London Tipton's famous catchphrase)

And sorry for not updating in so ever long… I was busy... forgive me?

Oh, and thank you for all the reviewers so far... many, many, many, many, many thanks!!!!

Anyhoo, I'ma try to stay awake as I type this chapter. I feel so…::yawns::…_tired. _

--

Gaz watched her brother run swiftly through the door… and smirked. Normally, she would have screamed at the heavens because his insane brother had escaped her clutches, but… she had placed a little _something_ on Dib as he was pinned to the wall spouting all that stupidity about Zim. Good thing Gaz had that prototype sickness patch in her pocket. (From TV commercial: "Invented by the one-and-only Professor Membrane, the sickness patch, when placed on someone's skin, makes the person _sick! _Genius, isn't it? Symptoms of diseases caused by the sickness patch may include dizziness, disorientation, vomiting, headaches, coughing fits, fainting, etc.)

The purple-haired girl settled back into the couch and looked idly at the clock. The sickness patch should work on Dib…

That was only the first part of Gaz's revenge. The second part… would be around the time when Dib comes home…if he ever makes it home, at least. That was when Gaz was going to fulfill Dib's request: _"Just…beat me up later!"_

--

_Dib's POV_

I ran as fast as I could, and soon, the weirdly-glowingly-green house became visible in sight. My sprint slowed down to a jog, and my jog slowed down to a walk as I reached the front door.

I raised a hand to knock on the door, and, almost immediately, the door flew open. A pair of metal arms dragged me in.

"HI, MR. BIG-HEAD BOY!!!!! ME N' PIGGY ARE ABOUT TO HAVE TEA!!!!!!! WON'T YOU COME PLAY?!"

"H-huh?" I looked around, confused. There was Gir, cheerfully waving at me with a pink, bewildered-looking pig in his hand. "W-what?"

"COME PLAY TEA!!!!!"

"Tea…? Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm here to see Zim."

"You mean masta'? He down in the lab!"

"Um…okay…thanks, I guess…" There was a silence as I looked awkwardly around, massaging my head. Gir stared at me with an idiotically happy smile on his face.

After ten seconds, I cleared my throat. "Um…could you lead me down to the lab?"

"Okee-dokee!!" came the chipper response. Gir walked over to the sofa and pressed a button located…somewhere. The sofa opened up, and we stepped into an elevator-chute-thingy.

I stared in awe as Zim's lab gradually revealed itself. Even through it was all owned by my worst enemy ever, I was still able to appreciate the advanced alien technology located right in the room I was about to enter.

When we had reached the bottom, Gir stepped out and started waddling toward where, I presume, Zim was located. I followed him, trying hard not to make any noise. I wasn't so sure Zim would be happy to find out that his robot had let his worst enemy into the lab.

Very soon, I was able to distinguish the Irken's slight figure through the dark light. His back was turned on us, and I winced as Gir gave a high-pitched squeal that Zim would surely hear. I looked frantically for a place to hide.

Luckily, there was a large strange-looking machine located conveniently nearby, and I dove behind it just before Zim turned around.

"Gir? What are you doing here?"

"…" I prayed Gir wouldn't reveal that I was here. "…I _don't _know…" _Yes!_

"You don't know? Then go back upstairs! I'm working on a _very _important project right now!"

_Project? This could be his next evil plan! _I peeked around the edge of the machine at the slightly darkened form of Zim and the smaller figure of Gir.

Gir replied sadly, "Awww…but I don't wanna!"

Zim sighed. "Go."

"But—"

"Go!"

At the command, Gir let out a high, screechy wail. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" I flinched, covering my ears. Gir sure could scream.

"OKAY! OKAY!" The green Irken's frantic reply cut through the din. "YOU COULD STAY! JUST STOP SCREAMING!"

"Okay!" The little robot started skipping a circle around the alien. "Whatcha doin'?"

Zim sighed. "I am working on my next _evil _plan, Gir. It will not fail, as the Dib-stink is far too busy being _CONFUZZLED _to SAVE THIS PATHETIC PLANET!!!!! The stupid Dib-human thinks he can stop me, with his _stupid, big, head, _but I, ZIM—" _Ha! So he _was_ trying to confuse me! Wait… did he just say confuzzle…?_ I thought.

However, at the words, 'big head' Gir stopped skipping and interrupted his master's rant. "Ooh, Mr. Big-Head!!!! You LURVES him, don't cha?!"

_Huh? _

Zim had the same reaction, albeit a bit more… loud. "_WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, GIR? HOW COULD YOU SAY I 'LURVE' THAT FILTHY, PATHETIC—"_

"But you hugged him, Masta'! And on TV, hugs mean LURVE!!!!" My face turned red. Maybe he wasn't trying to confuse me after all…?

"I—that was for the plan, Gir! Don't you remember?" My face resumed its original color. So there _is_ a plan.

_"You lurves Big Head! You lurves Big Head!" _I averted my eyes, feeling embarrassed, as the annoying chant repeated over and over. Suddenly Gir gasped. "You blushing, Master!"

Huh? I glanced at Zim in interest. _Irkens could blush?_

_But why is he blushing?_ whispered a small voice in my mind, but I brushed it away.

"Grrrr…Gir, I told you, THAT WAS FOR THE PLAN TO CONFUSE THE DIB!!!"

I decided this was now the time to act. _Go for a dramatic appearance, Dib. This is your time to confront the enemy!_

I jumped out from behind the machine and declared, "Ha! Zim, I—" But at that very instant, my knees weakened. My stomach felt like it had been punched, my lungs constricted, and blackness stole over my vision…

--

So there it is… sorry if it sucks, which I'm pretty sure it does. I think it's a bit confusing… but you probably figured out what happened at the end. Yes, the sickness patch Gaz planted on Dib took effect, and Dib… fainted.

(snickers) Wonder what Zim'll do to Dib while he's out?


	8. Purple Chickens and Mushy Goo

I'm back!

All right, I'm absolutely sorry that I haven't updated in so many months! I can't believe this… I've probably lost my readers' interest along the way… (sighs) I suppose new readers could come, though…

I do believe my writing style has changed quite a bit, and I don't know how that's going to affect the story. But ah well! On with the story!

_To refresh your memory, Dib has fainted due to the sickness patch that Gaz planted on him. That may not be as horrible as you might think, but he fainted right in Zim's lab! (giant gasp)_

--

Zim was not very happy.

First of all, the second he got down to the lab, he found out that the headless penguin-squid _thing _he created had escaped from its container and was now slithering/waddling its way around the floor. After taking care of that with his AMAZINGNESS (e.g, running quickly after it while screaming idiotically until the computer, who got bored watching the Irken, shot it with a giant laser), Zim realized that the coop of chickens, while still in their cages, seemed to have turned a strange purple color and were sporting eyestalks out of their foreheads.

Whether that strange new factor would affect the experiments he planned to do on them, he didn't know, but he really did not care. Rather, when he discovered the new appearance of the chickens, he started proclaiming his greatness (something along the lines of, "IT IS I, ZIM, THE PURPLE-CHICKEN-MASTER!") and tried to get the chickens to bow down to him. However, when he proceeded to drop one in a tub of dangerous Earth water (one of the 'experiments'), the moment the water touched the chicken, its head exploded in a mass of blood and feathers and eyeballs.

Hee-hee. Headless purple Earth chicken. Well, that had been his initial reaction. Then, he came up with a plan to invade Earth using the purple chicken bombs.

Yes… chicken bombs.

His mood had uplifted quite a bit with that plan, but then Gir had come down spouting all that stupid STUPIDITY about him LURVING the Dib-thingy-creature-thing! And, while he _tried_ to convey to the stupid robot that it was all for the plan, what irritated him even more was when a voice inside his head murmured, _"Of course that was for the plan, but wasn't Dib cute when he was blushing?"_

Blush. Something the alien was not aware he was doing, until Gir pointed it out with a gasp and a squeal. "You blushing, Master!"

"Grrrr…Gir, I told you, THAT WAS FOR THE PLAN TO CONFUSE THE DIB!!!" Zim glared dagger-like at the robot, but then, he heard an unmistakably Dib-bish voice.

"Ha! Zim, I--"

_EHHH?!_

Looking up quickly, Zim saw the very human he and Gir were just… "discussing."

But then the human slumped down as though shot by a laser gun. Purely by instinct, Zim put his hands up in a grand manner and declared, "HA! I, THE AMAZING ZIM, IS VICTORIOUS!" Gir, by his side, let out a happy squeal and started hopping up and down, cheering. "Yeah! Whoo-hoo!"

After about five seconds of Gir cheering and Zim smirking victoriously with his hands up, the alien realized that he and Dib had not just had a large, violent fight and that the Dib had just dropped down on the floor on his own. Putting down his hands slowly and his smirk disappearing, Zim turned to the SIR unit beside him. "_Gir…"_

Gir stopped cheering. _"…Yes?" _

"Gir… _didn't I tell you not to let anyone in the house?"_

The robot hung his head. "Aww… I SEE MONKEYS!" And off Gir went, giggling hysterically as he took off in pursuit of the "monkeys."

Sighing, Zim shook his head, very much frustrated. But then his crimson eyes fell on the still Dib, and a bit of anger flared. He stalked his way over to the human. His chest was faintly falling up and down, and from what Zim learned of humans, this meant that the "lungz" were working, and from what Zim knew of the human "lungz," when they were working, this probably meant that the human was breathing. And when something was breathing, it was usually alive.

But his eyes were closed, which could mean one of two things. Taking a deep breath, Zim shouted at Dib, "DIB-STINK! WAKE UP! YOU ARE DIRTYING UP MY FLOOR WITH THE STINK OF YOUR PATHETIC EARTH HUMAN-NESS!"

There was no stir. Zim frowned. So the human was not sleeping. He was… merely unconscious.

Dropping down on one knee, the Irken peered at the boy's face. Curiously, but rather hesitantly, he reached out and ran a claw down Dib's face, which was strangely flushed. He had never been this physically close to Dib before, and…

Abruptly, Zim jerked back as though burned. He was feeling very weird, indeed… especially as he stared at the way light pink played with Dib's cheeks, and the way his breath rose up from his small, delicate mouth…

The green Irken let out a horrified scream, backing away from the unconscious boy. "AH, NO! The Dib is succeeding in making my brain into MUSHY GOO! MUSHY GOO!!"

And in the background, in a sardonic voice that oddly sounded like it teetered on the edge of dry amusement, the computer remarked, "D'you want me to carry him up to the living room? Because right now, I don't think you're planning on killing him anytime soon."

--

Dib's POV

My eyes fluttered open. All I could see were bright fluorescent lights. 

Oh, my. I believe I'm in a hospital. No… I don't believe it, I just _know _it. It's exactly like in movies and such: a character faints, wakes up, seeing white light, and finds himself dead or in a hospital bed with a doctor grinning frighteningly down at you.

Or, sometimes in my case, in a straitjacket with blank white walls staring at you.

But this was no hospital, I realized as my eyes came into focus. This was Zim's living room, as could plainly be seen by the creepy painting of the monkey that I could just barely see out of my peripheral vision.

And I was in a couch, not a hospital bed.

And, grinning shark-like at me, was not a doctor bedecked in a blindingly white coat, but a green Irken, whose large crimson eyes only widened further as I stared at him.

I think I'm going to die.

--

Gasp! I can't believe I actually finished that. I'm afraid it's as short as ever… but I'm working on the next chapter, which, I promise, I will not make you wait for, like this chapter.

I'm horrible… (sighs) I'm afraid I'm not very dedicated.


	9. A Ketchup Bottle For A Spleen

Oh, yay! This is probably the longest chapter in this story… (sighs) But I didn't make you really wait now, did I? Only a few days… so I _kinda _kept my promise…

Enjoy!

--

Following the computer's suggestion, Zim ordered it to carry Dib up to the couch in the living room. He wanted to get back on working on his chicken-bomb plan, and was not very pleased when the computer interrupted his command to say, "Wait… I should probably scan him first."

"And why should you feel the need to do that, computer?" the green Irken snapped.

There was a silence. Then: "Don't you want to know why the human fainted like that?"

There was another silence as Zim flushed. Then he barked out, "No, Zim does not care why the Dib-stink fell like that!" Turning sharply, he called out, "Just transport him up to the living room!"

There was an audible crackle over the speakers, much likened to a sigh. "What exactly are you going to do with him, Zim?"

The unexpected question stopped Zim in his tracks. Unsurely, he replied, "Uh… I will… torture him! Yes! Poke and probe and prod him with dangerous metal instruments till he screams with mind numbing terror." His voice grew in confidence as he spoke, and the computer, a bit put-off by the mental image of Zim "probing" the human that now lay unconscious on the floor, replied almost cautiously, "Then wouldn't it make sense to leave him here in the lab if you're planning to… torture him?"

"Later, I will torture him later," said Zim matter-of-factly, waving a careless hand. "For now, just transport him to the couch." And he disappeared into the dark shadows of the lab.

The computer reached out a metal arm to lift Dib into a transport chute. However, as soon as the arm reached the boy's body, it froze. Almost thoughtfully, the computer murmured, "I wonder…"

A blue line of light swept its way down Dib's body, stopping with a beep as it illuminated the white patch stuck innocently on the human's neck. The metal arm plucked off the patch neatly, and a moment after that, Dib's eyelids fluttered, then closed shut again.

The computer chuckled quietly and lifted Dib into a transport chute.

--

Zim jerked up in surprise and suspicion as he heard a quiet chuckle echo though the walls. "Computer?" he called out. He heard nothing in reply.

Shrugging it off, the Irken stared in anticipation at the map he sketched, laid out before him. "If I take these out over here," he muttered, jabbing a point in the map, "then the filthy stinking humans would be less powerful to stop me…" Then he paused, thinking of the exploding chicken head.

"Hm… Earth would be a messy place by the time I am done with it," murmured Zim, an evilly amused smile on his face.

"Wheeeee!"

For the second time, Zim jerked up in surprise.

"WHEEEEEE!!"

"Gir?!" Quickly, Zim ducked, barely dodging a flying Gir, rockets ablaze. The robot gave a high-pitched squeal as he hit the wall, falling down with his small legs up and his head on the floor. Cyan eyes dimmed.

"…Gir?"

Startlingly, Gir's eyes lit up, a shocking blur of blue. "That was fun!" he chirped cheerfully. "The monkeys were flyin'… hee-hee!" He sat up and spotted Zim. "Hiiii, Masta'!" This was accompanied by rapid waves. "Didja see the monkeys fly?"

A sigh. "_No, _Gir, I did not see the monkeys _fly._ Now, go away, Gir. I am working on _important _plans, plans to conquer this _filthy _ball of dirt!"

"Awww…" The SIR unit cocked his head to one side. "Where's Mr. Big Head?"

"Eh?!"

"MR. BIG HEAD! I wanna play with him!" And Gir reached into his head and pulled out… Bob. If you do not remember Bob, then let me refresh your memory: pig, lasers, Dib's gigantic head.

… he is the device, disguised as a pig, programmed to shoot lasers at Dib's gigantic head.

Ah, yes. And so Gir pulled out Bob, who blinked innocently as it got raised up high above the robot's head. "Me n' Bob wanted to play with him!"

Zim's eyes bugged out of his head. It was unbelievable, really. Gir managing to keep a real live pig… well, _alive_ for more than two days? Previously, Zim would have said this was impossible, with many a hand gesture, for usually, the pig would go mad and die with its frayed insanity.

Oh… but wait, Bob _wasn't_ a real live pig.

And Zim could use Bob right now, considering the fact that currently, an incapacitated Dib lay unconscious upstairs. A malicious smirk gracing his features, Zim made to grab Bob.

Gir, however, pulled it out of the alien's reach. Petting it affectionately, the robot said, "You can't have Bob, Masta! Me _lurves _him!" And he hugged poor Bob tightly. Then he looked up, chirping, "The way you loves Mr. Greasy Head!"

A dark growl. "Gir, give me Bob. _Now!"_

The SIR unit's eyes flashed a sudden red. In a stiff salute, Gir barked out, "Yes, sir!" He handed over the bewildered-looking pig.

"That's more like it," said Zim, satisfied. Awkwardly, he put up a hand to his head. "Now go, er… play with the monkeys!"

A happy squeal as Gir's eyes turned back to cyan. Off he raced, once again in pursuit of monkeys.

Zim sighed. He looked down at the pig in his hand, and a slow smile spread on his face.

He called out, "Computer, is the Dib awake yet?"

"No, Zim…" Perfect.

Working quickly, Zim reset the pig, activating it to work at 3:00:00, e.g three hours. That should be enough time for Zim to kick Dib out of his house.

Ah, the Dib was going to get a surprise when he wakes up…

--

Sneakily, or in a manner the Irken thought was sneaky, Zim tiptoed his way to the living room, Bob in his hand, careful not to make any noise. He peered at the sofa, and, sure enough, the human was still unconscious.

He moved cautiously to the sofa and slipped Bob in a pocket of Dib's black trench coat, resisting the urge to cackle out loud, instead contenting himself with an evil smirk.

Then Dib's eyelids fluttered.

The smile froze on Zim's face; his crimson eyes widened. Luckily, he had whipped back his hand, leaving Bob in Dib's pocket.

And those eyes opened. Amber met red.

"Z-Zim?!" It was a stunned cry. Instinctively, Dib sat up and reached, his hands closing on Zim's neck.

"GAH!"

Furiously, Dib started throttling the surprised alien. "Y-you stupid, stupid alien! What the heck happened?! And why am I here?? DID YOU REMOVE SOME OF MY ORGANS?! OH, TELL ME I STILL HAVE MY KIDNEYS!!!" The last was drawn out in a high wail.

"N-nyah… D-Dib… f-filthy…h-human…" Zim's skin was turning a pretty blue.

The Dib was obviously in hysterics. "DON'T 'FILTHY HUMAN' ME! YOU DID SOMETHING TO ME, I KNOW IT! What, do I have a ketchup bottle now where my spleen used to be?!"

Zim was about to collapse from lack of air, when Dib's hands loosened. The alien collapsed anyway, eyes shutting and crumpling into an exhausted heap on the floor. Dib glared at it, and got up, meaning to leave and do an internal organs check, when all of a sudden, he remembered that _he_ was the one who traveled to Zim's house, and it was because of…

Turning back around, the human declared, "Zim! I have uncovered your plan to confuse me! So no need to… er…" A bit foolishly, he stared at the Zim-heap on the floor.

"Heh… um…" What should he do?

A crimson eye cracked open, a deadly glare in its midst. "Computer!"

Dib barely had time to say, "Huh?" when a red laser burst from the ceiling flew past his ear, hitting the wall behind him.

Zim slowly got up, stretching. He smirked as he watched Dib try to dodge another laser shot. Really, Dib was so… amusing.

The human yelped as a laser grazed his arm, and, tearing the door open, he ran. After him, Zim yelled, "AND DON'T EVER COME BACK AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME, DIB-STINK?!" A gnome shot him in the back, and Dib gave a faint cry.

Hee. Closing the door, the alien couldn't resist a chuckle. However, the lasers were not quite as harmful as one would think, though the Dib may experience back pain for about a week or so.

But what had the human said? That he 'uncovered' Zim's plan to confuse him? Zim frowned. If he had… then this was not good. Not good at all.

Remembering Bob, however… perhaps it didn't really matter.

--

Notice any plot holes? If you haven't, then that's alright. For those who have, though, I'll try to explain them. I've noticed two for now, actually.

1) About Bob… remember in Chapter 7, when Dib reached Zim's house, Gir was playing with a pig? No, this pig is _not_ Bob, which is why the pig hadn't immediately shot at Dib's head.

2) If you wonder why, when Dib met Gir, Bob did not jump out of the robot's head and started firing at Dib, (it would be quite amusing if this happened, though) this is because he can't. You know, being in Gir's head is like being in a metal box. But Bob did sense Dib's physical presence. Okay… this may not really be a plot hole… but it felt like one to me at first. At first…

If you notice any more plot inconsistencies, then I'd be happy if you tell me about them. Because right now, I think I'm at a point where my story is getting a bit… out of control for me. Alright, I'm probably past that point. But still… -.-

And I think some of the characters are now getting a bit OOC. Especially Zim...


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